Recently, I’ve noticed a trend. As a mother I have found myself apologizing all the time.
“Please excuse the mess of my house.”
“I’m sorry my child was acting up during (insert family function or public gathering).”
“Sorry for my kid crying in the middle of the grocery store, I said no to Coco Puffs cereal and said we could do Lucky Charms.”
“I’m sorry I can’t come in today, I have a sick child.”
Life is tough enough as it is, without holding our children to impossibly high standards. We think children should be perfectly capable of handling their emotions and keeping a clean house, when as adults we can’t even do that ourselves.
Life is MESSY.
I’m learning more and more that as my children get older, the messes might get bigger.
Does my Type A personality like that, H-E-double-hockey-sticks no.
I love when my house is clean, I feel like a have a clear mind and can accomplish anything.
But that does not realistically happen when you have little ones in the house.
That clean kitchen counter will somehow magically get covered in an unknown sticky substance right when a guest comes over. We all joke about the memes or the TikTok videos that show mothers scrambling to get the house clean before guests arrive. The second they walk in it’s all:
“Hi, welcome thanks for coming over, please make yourself at home, sorry for the mess, please ignore it.”
Then when the kids start playing with the toys, the parent is scolding the child to not make a mess, but what is a child supposed to do? Sit and stare at the toys?
I would much rather see the toys all over the place and hear the kids’ giggles and watch their imaginations at work. That’s best noise and a good excuse for letting them tear up the house.
Life Won’t be Perfect
But the more I thought about how we try to keep everything picture perfect, the angrier I became, thinking why we would put that stress on ourselves. We already have enough to stress about, without apologizing for not having a “Hallmark perfect” scene.
Maybe that’s why I don’t enjoy the Hallmark movies. Because they are pure fantasy.
You never seen the main characters with children making a mess, or if there is the famous cookie making mess, it’s all perfectly on the counter. Not in the upstairs bedroom on the ceiling that still has you questioning how that got up there. Leaving you torn between wanting to applaud your child for their creativity in getting up there or just scream at the sheer madness of it all.
So, let’s be more realistic.
Let’s flip the script. Let’s stop apologizing and start accepting that life is messy, you might not get it right all the time, or your child just might act up in the worst place ever.
Instead of apologizing for not being perfect trying saying:
“Welcome to our home,” without the disclaimers.
Or, “Thank you for your patience with me.”
Be the Mom Your Child Needs
Life will be messy and sometimes that just needs to be acknowledged and dealt with.
That meltdown the child is having, pull them aside to a safe area, let them express what they need then talk in a slow calming tone (harder to do than said, I know I’ll admit it).
And then acknowledging the moment as your mother moment that your child was trying to communicate with you and stop and listen to them. You have those frustrating moments too; we all need a moment to vent.
Maybe in the new year, catch yourself before you apologize and flip it to simply acknowledging the moment. And the messy reality that is life and motherhood.
For more on mom life and how to change your perspective, see Simplify Life to Refocus on What Really Matters.
