How Many Kids to Have: How Do You Know?

We all know, love isn’t measured in numbers, but rather in our capacity to love. Unfortunately, that doesn’t make it any easier to weigh the considerations of how many kids to have.

The Path to Motherhood

Before I go any further, I recognize there are many paths to motherhood.

Some of us are fortunate enough to have multiple pairs of feet pattering around our homes. Feet that will eventually walk out our doors and into the successful lives of their own adulthood.

Other paths include the tremendous loss of an unborn or young child.

There are those who adopt, and welcome a child into their home.

And others who find that motherhood is a road not meant for them.

My Path

After spending half my lifetime devoted to childcare, I wasn’t convinced that I wanted children of my own. Even after marriage, kids were never a desire for me in the way that they were for my husband.

This feeling largely came from wanting to learn who I was outside my identity as it related to children. However, I also knew I wasn’t ready to shut the door on the possibility completely.

Now 16 months after the arrival of our first child, discussions of having more kids have begun to percolate.

One would think after experiencing the initial “firsts” of motherhood, I would jump into discussions of additional children without hesitation.

But as I think about the future, I am not yet ready to let go of the present.

Enjoying the Present

I am still getting to know the little person who reorganizes my Tupperware drawer and likes to eat dog food for afternoon snack. And I don’t feel ready for family to have to split the love they devote solely to her.

I wonder — will I miss her waving at strangers in the store because my attention is focused on another? What else will I miss out on?

But then I consider the finality of having only one. Would this be the end of those firsts and initial milestones?

What I Want For My Child

For me, being the oldest of four, provided challenges and celebrations alike. My large family gave me the foundation I have today. And as I consider the impact of that life experience, I think about what I want my child to gain from her life.

I think about how she needs to know the world is a place to give back to, not expect things from.

She needs to be willing to hear another person’s point of view while holding a point of view of her own.

She needs to learn to share. And although she currently shares her snacks with the dog, in the long run this won’t be good for his waistline, or her development for human interaction.

How Many Kids to Have: Undecided

So here I stay in a state of stuck. Unsure of what the future holds for the size of my family, or if my feelings on the matter will ever resolve.

Regardless of how many children we have, we all have to eventually grieve the the end of the “firsts” and moving on to bigger milestones. It’s not an if but rather when scenario of living in a place where time is our only measure.

And while that time ticks away, we have the chance to embrace the love that we have in the present.

How did you know how many kids to have? Share with us in the comments!